Last 2 Months...can I implement a change?

So here I am trying to find something that will occupy my mind and hopefully give me the satisfaction of the feeling of accomplishment, value, or something. The past few months have been nothing more than failures and just the outside looking in feeling. I am still held back and I dont have the strength to just escape to make myself better. Yeah Im worried...more so afraid of whats waiting for me on the other side of the door I slammed shut called my life.